Numb
by Sophia.Love.Linstead
Summary: Numb. This is all Erin feels after she rescues Jay and he's taken to the hospital. She needs to see him and make sure he's okay. More importantly, make sure they're okay.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago PD... if I did there would be a lot more Linstead ;-)**

Numb.

This is all I feel as I sit there in my car, my knuckles gripping the steering wheel so tight.

He's okay Erin, I try and remind myself.

I felt numb when Al called to tell me Jay had been abducted.

I squeeze my eyes closed tight, Jay and abducted are two words that I never wanted to hear in the same sentence.

My hands run through my hair as I try and let go of the numbness to get out of my car and enter the hospital towards the man I desperately need to see.

Until I've seen Jay all cleaned up I refuse to believe he's okay.

My feet have a mind of their own as I enter Med and ask Maggie frantically where Jay is.

She sends me a sympathetic glance and lets me know where I will find his room.

My mind doesn't process anyone or anything as I rush through the hospital, I slow as I approach his room finding my courage to open the door

I enter his room and breath a sigh of relief at his sleeping form.

My eyes have a mind of their own as I walk towards his bed. They wander his body covered in cuts and bruises, each one caused because of me.

My knees give out and I sit on the seat by his bed, our hands finding each other for comfort.

The sound of his heart monitor beeping lulls me into a state of calm as I watch the steady rise and fall of his muscled chest.

When it feels like days have passed but it's really only been a few hours I feel his hand twitch and his eyes open.

His stunning blue immediately seek mine out, wondering who has his hand hostage.

For a second I'm worried he will be mad it's me, blame me and refuse to see me or trust me ever again. Despite the relief when he saw me earlier.

"Erin." His voice is parched but still sends shivers down my spine.

The one word from his lips is enough to break the last of my resolve. There was so much love and warmth in the one word that is hurts my heart.

I put my head down onto the bed, resting over our clasped hands as I sob.

When he groans in pain I just sob harder, wishing I could stop and hating to be seen as weak by anyone but especially this man.

The only man I've ever felt this kind of love for.

His other hand reaches over and runs through my hair, calming me and soothing me.

I let my tears subside and I look up and feel his hand move from my hair to my cheek.

"I'm fine Erin, honestly, I'm okay. You saved me."

I immediately let go of his hand and pull away from him. My feet take me to the window where I look out at the city that has seen me at my worst, the city that gave me hardships but also the city that brought me to Jay.

The same chaotic and beautiful city that was almost witness to Jay's demise today.

My sobs are gut wrenching and my hands grip the window sill.

Numb.

What I would give to feel numb again.

The next thing I process is Jay's strong arms wrapping around my waist from behind and letting me cry.

I struggle in his arms but he just holds tighter, I hear a few grunts of pain and I know he's ignoring it. For me. Always for me.

Taking some deep breaths I force myself to calm down so he can stop hurting, and once there is just silent tears running down my face we are both staring out at the city.

His hands hold mine over my stomach and I feel his chin rest on my shoulder.

After a few more minutes he turns his head and places a gentle and loving kiss on my neck.

Slowly I turn into his embrace and we stand there, chests together and arms wrapped tightly around the other.

"I didn't save you. I'm the reason you were taken, I'm the reason you're hurting and I'm the reason you almost died." My voice cracks on the last word and my tears start again.

"You did hurt me Erin," my heart breaks at his words.

He always seems to just forgive me and be there beside me, never judging me or holding anything against me.

Not even when he saw Landon at my place.

"When you pushed me away you hurt me, I'll admit that. You know how I feel about you. But I do understand, you have been through so much pain in your life and I wish you would open up to me and let me in… and more than anything I wish I could take it away. You are so beautiful, caring and selfless and it pains me that you feel so broken."

The tears running down my cheeks speed up as my heart aches at his words.

"But you didn't get me taken, this isn't your fault. My physical injuries were not your fault. Hank stationed everyone outside; he didn't have anyone in the airport. Tactical decision but still, even if you were there, there was nothing you could have done. But you saved me." One hand moves to caress my cheek and I lean into it.

"I thought I was going to lose you. When Al called my heart stopped, I can't lose you. I can't. Nadia was hard almost impossible but you, Jay you're everything and if…" I trail off not being able to finish the thought.

"You saved me." He repeats again and brings his forehead against mine ignoring the pain in his ribs.

"When they were torturing me," I wince at this words and the images that come to mind.

"I thought of you, your face, your voice and that beautiful smile and laugh you have. These thoughts kept me sane. It's the only thing I could focus on not to give up. If I died there it would have been thinking of you, I wouldn't want it any other way." Jay pauses and his thumbs wipe my tears away.

"Then all of a sudden you were there in front of me. At first I thought I was dreaming but then you came to me. I knew we were going to make it out when I looked into your eyes."

"How?" I whisper, caught up in his piercing gaze.

"The look I saw in your eyes… Determination. Besides I know what an amazing cop you are… and there was no way I was letting them take you from this world, so I would have fought back using every last ounce of strength I had."

"Don't ever do this to me again." I whisper as I dig my head into his neck inhaling his scent.

"I won't if you don't. No more pushing me away or disappearing." He forces me to look into his eyes.

"I won't. Ever again. I promise." We stand there staring at each other before I usher him back to his bed.

I bring him some water and stroke his hair watching his eyes close at my touch.

He reaches a hand out and I gently take it and allow him to pull me onto the bed and into his side.

We always fit so perfectly together.

"I know how you feel about me?" I question as we lay there in silence, refusing to make eye contact.

"Yeah. You do." He whispers back, his hand brushing hair behind my ear.

"Let's assume I don't… or need some helpful reminders…" I slowly look to meet his eyes.

"I love you, Erin. Always." His voice is serious but full of love and his eyes convey to me how much truth is in his statement.

I know a part of him is expecting me to run away, he has never said those words before. I suspected he wanted to when we were together but was afraid I would run.

I probably would have.

But I've never almost lost him before.

"Good. I love you too Jay." I see his eyes widen in complete shock.

"You expected me to run?" I allow myself a smile.

His face shifts from shock to happiness as he nods.

"I won't lie, in the past I would have. But I've never almost lost you. Life is too short so we need to say it when we can. My only concern is; how can you trust me again?"

"I'll always trust you Erin. I love you." I can't help smiling as I hear it again.

Slowly we lean in and our lips meet in a kiss full of love and passion and hope for the future.

When we pull away I whisper the same words back.

I can't get enough of exchanging these words with him.

Our lips meet again until we pull away and lay comfortably in each other's arms.

I'm exactly where I'm meant to be and I'm not going anywhere.

I belong here with this man beside me.

Always.

 **A/N: I'm new to this whole writing thing, sorry for any mistakes. Let me know what you think :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.**

 **A/N: So my plan was to leave it as a one shot but someone asked me to continue then I had an idea for at least three parts. This is part 2, hope you enjoy. :-)**

Numb – Part 2

Erin and Jay wake up in each other's arms when they hear a rustling in the room.

They slowly open their eyes and see a nurse checking on Jay and giving them a mock disapproving look.

Erin's cheeks tint red and she moves to get up from the bed while mumbling an apology.

"No, stay." Jay tugs her close to him and places a kiss on her forehead.

The nurse just chuckles and shakes her head while continuing on and asking Jay some questions about his pain and discomfort before excusing herself from the room.

"Morning." Jay whispers when we are alone and places a chaste kiss on my lips.

"Morning." I whisper against his lips before smiling and re attaching our lips, wanting to be closer and craving for our bodies to connect.

It's been too long.

"I have to admit, I was a little afraid you would be gone when I woke up…" He doesn't look me in the eye while he admits this.

"You expected me to freak out and run?" I ask while moving my hand up to cup his bruised cheek.

"Yeah. Last night just seemed so perfect and" I cut him off abruptly.

"Seriously? You were abducted, tortured and in hospital. Are you sure you don't have a head injury?" I ask while shooting him an incredulous look.

"It was perfect. You were here and you told me you loved me… it doesn't get more perfect than that. But I was afraid it was too good to be true."

I soften immediately upon his declaration and press our lips together.

"I guess it was pretty perfect." We share a smile.

"I didn't even contemplate leaving or running, I love you Jay. I'm done running."

"Glad to hear it." His eyes are sparkling and he's looking at me like I'm his whole world. Like I'm all he's ever wanted.

Maybe I am.

I know he's all I ever wanted.

Even if I didn't think I would ever find him.

"I woke up earlier and wanted to go get some coffee and breakfast because I know how much you hate hospital food but I didn't want you to wake up without me here… I was worried you would think the worst… also I like falling asleep next to you and waking up by your side." The end of my confession is quiet and I shyly look into his brilliant blue eyes.

"God I love you." He tells me again and I smile brightly.

"For the record, I love when you are the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning… I also love how you know me so well. Thank you for staying." My eyes mist at his sweet words.

"Always. I love you babe." We lean in for another kiss when the doctor walks in and clears his throat.

We turn to see his doctor and Will smirking at us and I feel my cheeks flame again.

"Well, I'm going to let you do your thing… I'll just go get us some breakfast okay?" I ask Jay, seeking his permission.

If he wants me to stay, I'll stay.

Jay gives me a final kiss and a nod and I'm on my way.

On my way out the door I hear Will teasing his brother and feel my cheeks get hotter.

* * *

Jay's POV

Erin's been gone about an hour and I miss her presence already, I'm still unable to believe everything that happened in the last 24 hours.

I'm starting to feel like the luckiest guy in the world, sometimes getting abducted works in your favor.

I can't wipe the smile off my face as I remember the feel of Erin's lips on mine, it's been too long and it feels so right.

Her tears last night and her broken voice caused my heart to ache but I'm glad she is letting me in, bit by bit.

I know this isn't easy for her. But for me, she's trying.

A knock on the door pulls me from my thoughts of the beautiful brunette and I turn to see Hank Voight.

I gulp out of instinct, Erin and I didn't discuss our relationship or what it means or if we would tell Voight.

If it were up to me we would come clean with Hank and be a couple without hiding and sneaking around. A real one, so our relationship can grow.

"Jay, glad to see you up." Hank walks to the bed and shakes my hand, a rare smile on his face.

"Thanks sir." The room is full of tension as we just stare at each other.

"Was Erin here last night?" I gulp again unsure if this is a trap.

"Yes, sir she was. She didn't want to believe I was okay without seeing it for her own eyes again and fell asleep. She blames herself."

"That's my fault I'm afraid. When she turned up and volunteered to get you back I was so mad and I let my anger cloud my judgment. I told her that you wouldn't have been taken if she were there… she wouldn't take no for an answer though. She was going for the exchange whether or not I allowed it. After she got you back she asked for her job back, she apologized it took you being taken for her to relize where she belongs… I suspect she was talking about being your partner. In more ways than one." Hank gazes at me with his signature stare and I stare back, not blinking and not answering.

"I'm glad she was here last night, she has terms to be back in the unit. No more Bunny in her life."

"Good. She does nothing but cause Erin pain." I nod in agreement.

Hank looks surprised before giving me a small smile.

"She is moving back in with me and taking weekly drug tests. When she didn't come home last night I hoped she was here… but a small part was worried she wasn't serious about getting her life back."

"She is sir." I tell him confidently.

"Good. Look Jay…"

"You have a way of saying that where it doesn't sound like good news." I'm trying to make light out of a heavy conversation.

"I don't know what your relationship status with Erin is." Hank pauses to size me up.

My mouth feels like glue.

"And I don't care. I just need to know someone has her back 24 hours a day."

"Yeah. I- uh. Always." I nod once to reaffirm my commitment and he claps a hand on my shoulder.

"Hank?" Erin asks as she walks in the room with breakfast. I can't be sure if she heard the end of the conversation. Her face gives nothing away.

 **A/N: Leave a review if you can, part 3 will be up soon.**

 **Also, if you have any one shot or story requests/ ideas I'm open to inspiration.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.**

 **A/N: Okay, here is Part 3. I hope you enjoy.  
**

Numb – Part 3

Erin's POV

I have a swing in my step as I approach Jay's hospital room, wanting to cuddle into his side and spend the day there.

I pause when I hear talking inside, one voice so distinctive and fear grips me for a moment when I hear I'm the topic of discussion.

Jay and I didn't talk about how we would tell Hank.

I smile when Jay tells Hank he will always have my back and I'm confused as to Hank's ease with the idea of a relationship between the two of us.

I slowly enter the room and am careful to disguise what I'm thinking.

"Erin, hey. I just came by to see Jay. I'm sure you're taking good care of him." Hank gives me a smile and I go in for a one armed hug.

"Sorry I didn't make it to yours last night, I didn't mean to fall asleep here." My eyes flicker to Jay's, hoping Hank can't tell I'm lying.

I had every intention of spending the night here with Jay.

Things are tense and awkward when I decide to break the silence, making the room more uncomfortable.

"Do you want to explain why you are suddenly okay with the idea of Jay and I dating? I heard what you said. You don't care what our relationship status is anymore."

Jay shoots me a panicked look.

"I was wrong." I stare at Hank in shock and blink waiting for more of an explanation.

"Yes, I dislike in house romances. I was willing to overlook it for Burgess and Ruzek because she was shot… but let's face it. That relationship is on eggshells on the best of days and they are never professional at work. He wouldn't be able to turn off his worry. You two though… Since day one you have been nothing but professional. When you were secretly dating you were still the picture of professionalism. You worry about each other but don't let it interfere with your job."

"How did you know we were dating?" I ask, always curious.

"You two have always shared these looks full of chemistry and longing… and love. But when you got together it shifted. It was like you both had acknowledged and accepted it now. There was just something there. I'm a detective and your father Erin, I know these things." I nod taking it all in.

"Why did you keep us apart then?" I push still wanting to know more.

"You have been hurt so much in your life, and I love you like a daughter and wanted to protect you. You have dated guys since coming to stay with Camille and I and I would interfere only if he wasn't good enough for you. The others were harmless because they were nice guys and you… you never looked at them like you look at Jay. The way you spoke about them… I could see there was no chance of you getting hurt. But the day you and Jay met I could see it. He had the potential to hurt you because you had the potential to really love him."

"I would never hurt Erin, Hank. Ever." Jay is deadly serious and I feel myself fall harder for him.

If that's even possible.

"Over time I realized that but I was stubborn and I know what Erin is like... she pushes people away. It seemed like a recipe for disaster. You would get hurt too and you're a good guy and I didn't want that. I didn't want the drama for the unit either. But she doesn't push you away the same way she does others, she told you about Charlie… she let you break her walls down to open up and she let you stay in the room with me while she confessed to helping Annie when they were young… every bad thing about her past you hear you don't look at her differently…. You accept her and you love her and you are there to offer support." The room is tense and no one dares to speak for a few minutes.

"I've never seen that… when Nadia… I regretted it then. I know without a doubt if you were together then she would have leaned on you and not looked for comfort in booze and pills. I can't forgive myself for that. You would have been able to save her." Hank is shaking his head in regret and shame.

"He saved me anyway, he pulled me out of the dark hole." I reach for Jays hand.

"So as long as he is there for you, always and it doesn't affect the job…. I don't need any relationship drama in the unit. I'm fine for you to have whatever relationship you want."

"Good. Because we got together last night and I wasn't going to give him up again Hank. You would have had to transfer me out…" I tell Hank serious and Jay's jaw drops.

"I love you kid." Hank kisses my forehead before turning to Jay.

"When do you get out?"

"Tomorrow sir, then rest at home for the week."

"Erin, I'll give you two more nights then I expect you at my place like we agreed okay?"

"Okay." Erin is shocked and doesn't want to push her luck.

"I figured you won't leave his side at the hospital and you would want to spend the first day and night with him at his place to get him settled then I expect you at work bright and early and no sneaking out of my place like a teenager okay?"

"Okay, thanks Hank."

He says his goodbyes and leaves the room.

"I guess I better get my act together real quick… and maybe be really annoying at his place so he lets me move back in on my own. That way we can have alone time together." I winked at him and Jay snaps out of his shock.

"Well you can do some serious damage in a bathroom." Jay smirks at me and I hit him in return.

"What? I just mean you're messy. Like you're a messy person." I shake my head but crack a smile and lean in to share a kiss with him.

"But I like your plan… the sooner you are free the soon we can have some time alone." Jay is starting into my eyes with so much awe that I need to kiss him again.

I settle myself back on his bed and in his arms.

"If I didn't walk in, were you going to tell Hank about us?" I ask curiously as I get the food out.

"No." Jay's reply is simple and I freeze.

"Oh." I clear my throat and focus on the food.

"Hey, hey. Not like that. Look at me." Jay's hand cups my chin and turns me to face him.

"We hadn't spoken yet and I didn't want to upset you… I hoped this was the real deal this time. No more sneaking around and coming clean to Voight but I didn't want to tell him and then you run… or… I don't know. I just wanted to speak with you first. When you told Hank we were together… I was so happy and shocked quite frankly."

"Well, we are together. Of course I was going to tell Hank." I tell him simply and turn back to the food.

"Even if it meant giving up your place in the unit?" He asks, not letting the subject drop.

"Yes. I thought a lot this morning while I watched you sleep. You're the most important thing in my life… I'm not choosing my career over you again. I was willing to transfer if needed."

"God, I love you. You're incredible."

"You're not so bad yourself." I turn to kiss him.

"and I love you too." I whisper against his lips.

"I'm glad we can remain partners though, I like being the one to watch your back and to know you have mine." He tells me seriously.

"Me too." I whisper, our eyes conveying our love.

"I can't believe Hank admitted all that to us… sheds some light on why he did what he did… and he admitted he was wrong." Jay picks my hand up.

"He's a big softie deep down Jay, I'm glad he gave us his blessing though. He's right too… if I had you I would have turned to you for comfort when Nadia died." My voice cracks on the last word and a tear falls.

"It's my fault I know. You were willing to tell Hank and fight for us… I got scared and ended things. I know I still could have leant on you when it all happened… I know you were there for me and ready… but I just. I was stupid and stubborn and I couldn't open up to you… I loved you but we weren't together and that hurt me. It sounds so stupid but…" I trail off and shake my head.

"Nothing you say sounds stupid baby. You feel what you feel; no one can tell you it's wrong. Everyone is different and you were grieving… I love you and I'm here for you. Day or night, anytime. Always."

"Thank you, I love you too." We share an intense kiss and forget all about the breakfast as I straddle his lap and the kiss grows with passion and I feel his hands under my shirt.

He removes his lips from mine to trail down my neck and I gasp for air.

"We can't do this here Jay. God I want to, I really _really_ want to."

"I know." He sighs into my neck before re adjusting me into his side and playing with my hair.

"But tomorrow night… you're all mine… that's if you're up for it." I turn and raise an eye brow suggestively.

"Oh I'm up for it. It's so on." He leans down and connects our lips.

"Good, I need to remind you what you will be missing if you," Jay cuts me off with a kiss before starting seriously into my eyes.

"I will never cheat on your Erin. Not even if we can't have sex for months… it's not about that for me. Okay? I need you to believe me and trust me."

I avert my eyes and shrug in agreement.

"Okay… but you can't promise me that. Someone better might come along… you can do so much better."

"Erin, look at me." It's silent and after a long minute I look at him.

He looks hurt and frustrated and I feel guilty for ruining the moment.

"I will never ever cheat on you. Ever. There is no one in this world that could make me do that, you are it for me. You hear that? You're the one… no one else. There is no one else more beautiful, kind, gorgeous, selfless or… you're one in a kind and you're mine and I'm yours." He plants a kiss on my lips as tears fall from my eyes.

"There is no one better than you Erin Lindsay and I'm going to spend every day of my life proving that to you and showing you how beautiful and special you are. You're my always baby."

I throw my arms around his neck and bury my head into his neck before placing a kiss there and trailing them up his neck to his lips.

"I'll love you always too." I whisper against his lips feeling his smile.

 **A/N; Leave a review and let me know what you think.**


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